who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
