He asked me if I "almost moaned"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
