I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
