i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
