2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
