At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
