My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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