On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
