I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
