I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
