I have demons in me.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
