you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
