Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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