1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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