I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
