i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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