You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
