Where are you?
In a non slutty way
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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