remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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