Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
