Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
