i think i have two assholes
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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