yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
wanna go halves on a baby?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
