Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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