my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
