I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
