I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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