we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
