that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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