I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize