Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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