i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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