I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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