bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
