he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
