My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Drunk is not a location!
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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