I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
