Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
