Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
