why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
