I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
