Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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