how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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