i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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