She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
