so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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