She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
