On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
