Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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