I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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