I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
