Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
