apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
