so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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